In-Depth

December Humor

• 12/01/1999

Trust the computer industry to shorten "Year 2000" to Y2K. It was this kind of thinking that caused the problem in the first place.

***

A friend of mine works in a busy office where a computer going down causes quite an inconvenience. Recently, one of the computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.

"This computer has flatlined!" a co-worker called out with mock horror. "Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"

***

’Twas the night before Y2K, and all through the nation,

We awaited The Bug, the Millennium sensation.

The chips were replaced in computers with care,

In hopes that ol’ Buggy wouldn’t stop by there.

When over the server, there arose such a clatter,

I called Mister Gates to see what was the matter.

But he was away, so I flew like a flash,

Off to my bank to withdraw all my cash.

Then word of the shortage caused such a demand,

That the money was gone and the streets were all jammed.

When what with my wandering eyes should I see?

My good old Mac looked sick to me.

The Hack of all hackers was looking so smug,

I knew that it must be the Y2K Bug!

His image downloaded in no time at all,

He whistled and shouted, "Let all systems fall!"

All the controls that planes need for their flights,

All microwaves, trains and all traffic lights.

All through the system, to me and to you,

The predictions they made, would soon all come true.

And then came a twinkling, as midnight drew near,

All over the globe and in each hemisphere.

As I drew in my breath and was turning around,

Out through the modem, he came with a bound.

His eyes – how they twinkled! His dimples – how merry!

As midnight approached, though, things soon became scary.

His droll little mouth was drawn up in a sneer,

While he sat like a kid, waiting out the new year.

His two beady eyes glanced around him with haste,

And his six hairy legs wiggled around in the space.

He had a broad little face and a round little belly,

And his sack filled with virus quivered like jelly.

He was chubby and plump – perpetually grinning,

And I laughed when I saw him, though my hard drive stopped spinning.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know a new feeling of dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

He changed all the clocks, then turned with a jerk.

With a twitch of his nose and a quick little wink,

All things electronic soon went on the blink.

He zoomed from my system to the next folks online,

He caused such a disruption! Could this be a sign?

Then I heard him exclaim with loud, hearty glee,

"This has been fun! See you next century!"

***

Q: Why don’t flies like computers?

A: Because they are afraid of the Web.