September Humor
The Value of Time
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask the student who has failed a class.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask the mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask a colleague when he or she returns from vacation.
To realize the value of ONE DAY, ask a daily newspaper reporter.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask the person who has missed a train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask the person who has survived an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
To realize the value of ONE NANOSECOND, ask a Hardware Designer.
And if you still don’t realize the value of time ... You must be a Software Developer.
Contributed by Rumi Dutta Mondal
*****
Corporate Heroes
CEO:
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Gives Policy to God.
Project Manager:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks with God.
Senior Analyst:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.
Talks with God if special permission is approved.
Systems Analyst:
Barely clears a Quonset hut.
Loses tug of war with a switch engine.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God.
Programmer Analyst:
Makes high marks on walls when trying to leap tall buildings.
Is run over by locomotives.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.
Calls swimming "Staying Afloat."
Talks to animals.
Programmer:
Runs into buildings.
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times.
Is not issued ammunition.
Can bob with a life jacket.
Talks to walls.
Project Clerk:
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter building.
Says, "Look at the choo-choo."
Wets self with a water pistol.
Plays in mud puddles.
Mumbles to self.
Administrative Assistant:
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
Catches speeding bullets in the teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
Is a god.
Contributed by Roel Ingles, Katy, Texas
*****
Sayings We’d Like to See on Inspirational Office Posters
1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos ... then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
4. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
5. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
6. TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.
7. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
8. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
9. We waste time, so you don’t have to.
10. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
Contributed by Melody Twigg