In-Depth

Humor

• 02/01/1999

(Sing to the tune of "Gilligan's Island")

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
Of the doom that is our fate.
That started when programmers used
Two digits for a date.

Main memory was smaller then;
Hard disks were smaller, too.
"Four digits are extravagant,
So let's get by with two."

"This works through 1999,"
The programmers did say.
"Unless we rewrite before that
It all will go away."

But Management had not a clue:
It works fine now, you bet.
A rewrite is a straight expense;
We won't do it just yet.
We won't do it just yet.

The mail won't bring your pension check
It won't be sent to you
When you're no longer sixty-eight,
But minus thirty-two.

The problems we're about to face
Are frightening, for sure.
And reading every line of code's
The only certain cure.

There's not much time,
There's too much code.
(And COBOL-coders, few)
When the century is finished with,
We may be finished, too.
We may be finished, too.

Eight thousand years from now I hope
That things aren't left too late,
And people aren't then lamenting
Four digits for a date.
Four digits for a date.

Contributed by Diane Rozek
Winter Park, Fla.

Prison vs. Work - You Decide

In Prison ... you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
At Work ... you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

In Prison ... you get three meals a day.
At Work ... you only get a break for one meal, and you have to pay for it.

In Prison ... you get time off for good behavior
At Work ... you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In Prison ... a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At Work ... you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

In Prison ... you can watch TV and play games.
At Work ... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In Prison ... all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At Work ... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

In Prison ... you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At Work ... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

In Prison ... they allow your family and friends to visit.
At Work ... you can't even speak to your family and friends.

In Prison ... there are wardens who are often sadistic.
At Work ... they are called managers.

Contributed by David R. Mohr
Tamarac, Fla.

Knocking on Heaven's Door

St. Peter is interviewing three candidates for admission to heaven. It's a tradition," he says, "that you answer one question for me before I admit you. Number One: What great ship sank on April 14, 1912?"

"The Titanic," replied the first candidate. "Correct! You may enter heaven," replied St. Peter.

"Number Two: How many people were on that great ship?" "Over 2,000 people were aboard and many of them were lost at sea," replied the second candidate.

"Close enough! You may enter heaven, too," exclaimed St. Peter.

"Number Three: Let me find a question for you ..."

"It better be about the Titanic," said the third candidate. "I'm a systems consultant and I know my rights. I expect you to ask me a question about the Titanic just as you did with the other two people, or I'll crash your computer."

"Very well," said St. Peter. "You have heard that the Titanic sank on April 14, 1912 with over 2,000 people aboard?"

"Yes, I know all that," replied the systems consultant.

"Okay then," said St. Peter. "Name them."