Beware of the Following Viruses

Titanic Virus: Makes your whole computer go down.

Disney Virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Mike Tyson Virus: Quits after one byte.

AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Contributed by Jesse Delaney

Poetic Problems

Imagine if instead of cryptic text strings, your computer produced error messages in haiku.

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Contributed by Lawrence Wolofsky
Ottawa, Canada


John: Hey, Bob, whatcha doing?

Bob: Well, we're moving to a new office complex, so I have to start moving all my things.

John: I guessed that from all the boxes.

Bob: Yeah. Lot of stuff to move. It's complicated. I was on my computer for two hours last night getting ready.

John: Um ... two hours to move? Why? Just unplug the machine and box it.

Bob: No ... the computer's a little too heavy for the boxes they gave ... so I'm deleting files to empty it out.

Contributed by Scott Resnick
Plattsburgh, N.Y.