The Y2K Poem

Happy New Year! Pop the cork!
It's buffet time--go grab a fork.
Start Year 2000 revelry,
Unless your job is in IT.

Us programmers won't dance till dawn.
We won't have fancy tuxes on.
We even won't be home in bed,
But Command Center-bound instead!

Our task? If something goes awry
We'll fix that overlooked YY.
We'll monitor, protect and serve!
Without so much as one hors d'ouevre.

We'll have to skip that champagne toast
To man the change of cent'ry post.
For certainly there will be some
Small bugs come the millennium.

But not to worry! Don't be scared,
Contingency plans were prepared,
We wrote a bunch for "just in case"
And have them around here--someplace.

What if there are no heat and power?
What if no one can take a shower?
Big deal! Our back-up plans are done...
(I wish we'd even tested ONE).

Of course, a non-compliant switch
Or Baby Bell Y2K glitch
Could screw things up! Could cause a riot!
(Although my pager would stay quiet).

Could bugs gum-up the supply chain?
With no food will our staff complain?
Perhaps, so maybe there's no harm in
Stocking up, including Charmin.

'Cause we could be stuck here for days!
This could involve some all-night stays.
Which means we'll need some toiletries,
A change of clothes (and BVD's).

And what about our vendors' status?
Will they fix Y2K "gratis"?
What if we get them on the phone
And find they're off to parts unknown?

That's why we're glad our vendors wrote a
Compliance statement (kinda sorta),
It says, "Jan. 1 is fine, it's true,
But Leap Year? We don't have a clue."

Or could there be urban unrest?
Will people panic? Get distressed?
We'll miss it all! The crime and looting,
And simply watch our systems booting.

I know some folks make fun of us,
They're wondering, "What's all the fuss?"
The little bug will come and go,
At least so says our CEO.

CNN says we're all set,
From mainframe down to Internet.
So why must all the techies gripe?
The Year 2000's all just hype.

But I would not act so defiant
Or boast you're Y2K compliant.
There's lots of stuff you should be dreadin'
Oh sure, it won't be Armageddon,

But crashing Dow? Will airplanes fall?
They might have, had we dropped the ball.
But we'll see that the bug's defeated
And re-remediate, if needed.

So while you're singing Auld Lang Syne
When zeroes roll from '99,
Don't forget the strong and steady,
Who made you Year 2000 ready.

And if we're Y2K OK,
There is one debt you could repay,
If this whole mess we did avoid,
We beg you... let us stay employed.

Mike Cohn was a Y2K consultant in Atlanta, and would be elated if a headhunter would just return his calls.