Editorial: A Thorn by Any Other Name

Like the Universe, the Enterprise is ever expanding. And, like modern astronomers naming new galaxies, suns and planets, so must those in our industry strive to come up with new positions and monikers for those who keep our Enterprise expanding. The real question, however, is: Whom are we going to point the fingers at? Some time back, GartnerGroup listed the 10 most important positions within enterprises, within the next three years. More titles, more confusion? Maybe. But for the enterprising IT manager this may create more opportunities. So, without further ado, behold Gartner’s 10 most powerful positions within an enterprise.

1. Chief Monitoring Officer – By monitoring business processes and metrics in realtime, this person will have a finger on the pulse of the enterprise. These are the people that will find the problems and solve the problems before they ever arise. Talk about your job security.

2. E-marketplace Manager – Will guide [us] through the new-networked economy.

I like this one. All the credit and no responsibility.

3. -Marketing Executives – Will change their spending targets from traditional mass outlets, such as publications, broadcast and direct mail, to customer relationship-focused solutions.

And then wonder why business isn’t growing.

4. E-deal Makers – Those who live by choosing the suppliers; the buyers of the enterprise will either thrive or die based on the effectiveness of those relationships. No pressure here.

5. Customer Relationship Analytic Expert – These people will look into the future, to see what people want before they need it, and the reasons why.

"Look into the future?" That overwhelms me with confidence.

6. Transaction Cops – There will be a large amount of activity that will take place in the networked economy, especially brought about by e-marketplaces. Enterprises will need transaction cops to make sure there is integrity in the transactions.

How about Mounties? Or better yet, a SWAT team?

7. Human Resources Executives – Will assure that the supply of skilled workers will be there.

Could actually be fun. Assure … "the supply" of bodies … à la Dr. Frankenstein?

8. E-business Integrators – Transforming legacy processes to networked economy processes will not work unless they are integrated together. They are needed to make this happen.

And, somewhere between formulas A and B, a miracle happens to produce solution C.

9. Economists – They will be needed to do a climate check of what the business environment will be, so enterprises will know when to take risks and when to shy away from them.

Where were these guys over the past 12 months, before this here recession set in?

10. Anthropologist – This does not involve technology, but rather human beings who can do the proper diagnosis and the professionals who can do the best descriptions.

This has got to be the coolest position yet. Going to work in a leather jacket and fedora with an old revolver and whip just like Indiana Jones … Oh damn, that’s an archaeologist.

Of course, I’ve been inspired to project my own list of positions you all will be vying for:

6. Customer Harassment Implementer – Don’t need high-tech for this one.

5. E-Deal Breaker – This will be the all-important demo provider. Key phrases to learn: "Well, what we should see here is a screen of your inventory." "Could I borrow a [cord, monitor, projector]?" "It should be working." And "Hmmmmm…."

4. Senior I Can’t Believe They Pay Me All This Money to Do This (SICBTPMATMDT) –You know this guy or gal.

3. Chief Acronym Officer – Come on, this a No Brainer.

2. No Brainer Integrator – Need I explain?

And the number 1 with a bullet position:

1. SWAW – Someone Who Actually Works.